Anonymous support online located across Europe

Rollercoaster

I’m back again!

Some people aren’t as fortunate as I am, they don’t receive the help I did… a perfect example of that is Amanda Todd. Not everyone gets help, professional or from friends, like I did… In the time that I had no one, I remember how lonely I was. I remember how much I wanted a friend, someone I could trust… I want to give people that. I’ve had my trust broken so many times, and I know how much that hurts. I try to be the best friend I can to all my friends, because it’s my turn to give them something for helping me. I hope that they trust me, and I know that I won’t ever purposefully break that trust.

I was recently told by a friend, Teddy, that he trusts me more than the people he’s known longer that he’s known me… I try to be as open as I can, I don’t judge anyone without having a really damn good reason too, and I listen to anyone. I wouldn’t hate, dislike or tease anyone for anything they’ve done until I’ve heard the full story, and both sides of the story. Who am I to judge? I’ve done a lot of shit in the past, I’ve said a lot of mean things to people(though it was 99% of the time to my bullies) and I haven’t always been the nicest of people. No one can judge ANYTHING without knowing the full story.

First off, I wanted to thank my friends for helping me. Teddy, Z, Lexi, SoulSister, Chris and Maria.
Then, I want to thank those people that, despite only being in my life at a distance, have become important to me. Sir Green Hair, Wolfie and Holly Tree… And my teachers.
And then the people I’ve never even met… book characters(Teddy will probably pretend to vomit when he reads this. He hates reading), Doctor Who, fairy tale characters and my own book characters.
Last of all… my family. Mama for being so overprotective that you seem paranoid, Papa for taking me to places Mama wouldn’t take me and for letting me go on the back on your bike; my brother for all the San Andreas, Kingdom Hearts and Doctor Who… and for staying strong every single day in that horrible hospital.

Now on to the title of the post… what does everything I said above got to do with the title?
Well, I’m currently a complete wreck, to put it simply. I go from being happy, to sad, to hyperactive really easily. Why? No idea, I just do. All the people above have been helping me with this, calming me down and giving me their time, to try and make me focus on one thing at a time like I used to. They’ve helped me a lot. I honestly don’t know what I would do without them.

Am I trying to rub it in your faces that I have a lot of people to help me? Of course NOT! I want to show you that no matter how insignificant a person may seem, simply because you’re not close, they can help you a lot. And I would be in the group of ‘life at a distance’ to all of you… I want to help you, even though I don’t know you, I haven’t been to school with you and I have no idea what you look like. I just want everyone to receive the same help as I did, even if I’m the only one trying to help you.
MY emotions have been up and down, I can imagine how bad it is for some of you… times are tough for a lot of people now, for whatever reason, and I want to take some of the weight off your shoulders.
I probably sound like I’m jumping from one thing to another, but I’m just trying to get my point across.

I know I can’t save everyone on the planet, but I damn well can try… I also got asked this summer how I would deal with patients passing away when I become a psychologist. Honestly? I will be upset, just as any person would be, but some people are too far gone to be helped. I just hope that I can help ease their pain for a little while and take some of the weight off their shoulders before they go. I’ll do the best I can, and no less. I won’t always succeed, but I will never give up. I will help people that have been hurt the way I have, I will help people that can’t find a reason for anything, I will help people that need help.

Life is a rollercoaster… some people hate it, others love it… Thing is, once you’ve been on it once, you’re disappointed when it’s finished. You want to get on the ride all over again, and go through that terror again. Some people give life a second, third or fourth try, because life is how it is, and we can’t give up… other people only give life one chance. I can’t do anything to change that, but I can tell you that in my moments of complete clarity and happiness, I see how beautiful life is and I know it will be better. Just got a few loopings to get through first.

ourvoiceproject@hotmail.com

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