I remembered a story I heard this summer. It was really sad, and nearly made me cry. And it also made me think. A lot.
A friend of a friend turned 40 this summer. Her boyfriend told her he’d plan her party and all she had to do was show up and enjoy the party. So, she agreed and two weeks later it was her party. Everyone she knew was there, and her boyfriend told her to meet him upstairs in their bedroom in fifteen minutes. She agreed to that too. She thought he would maybe propose to her, as they’d been together for years… Exactly 15 minutes later, she went upstairs.
She found her boyfriend in their room. Hanging from the ceiling with a noose around his neck. He’d commited suicide on his girlfriend’s 40th birthday.
No one knew he was even the slightest bit depressed, or that he would ever do that to himself. His girlfriend didn’t even know he was unhappy. She thought they were completely happy together and he was fine. And then he decided to give her a birthday present she’d never forget.
You might think ‘selfish bastard’ or ‘How could he do that?’. Before you think that and get a fixed opinion, see it from his point of view. Maybe he didn’t know how to talk about it, maybe he hung himself hoping that his girlfriend would get impatient and go up after 10, 11 or 12 minutes and find him, before it was too late; maybe it was a cry for help.
He hadn’t left a suicide note. That’s what makes it nearly 100% sure that it was a cry for help. He had hoped, and had been just about completely sure, that his girlfriend would get impatient and find him, that he would be saved, that he would survive and finally get the help he needed. He felt alone. He didn’t know what to do. He probably felt like he was slowly being ripped into pieces. He was in agony, inside his head. He didn’t know how to express it, he wanted to live, he wanted to be found… but he didn’t realise that his girlfriend would actually be patient. He never wanted to die, he didn’t leave a note, he didn’t leave anything at all that said why he did it, he just trusted that his girlfriend would come upstairs to their room a couple of minutes early.
Please, don’t ever go to that extreme. There is always someone you can talk to about whatever is going on in your head, in your life. Don’t let anyone else be torn apart by a suicide that wasn’t meant to completely happen.
May you rest in peace, and find freedom in yourself… I hope you aren’t in any pain anymore.
You will be remembered forever in your girlfriend’s heart, and in your friends.
Take care of yourselves, remember that you can contact any one of us via firstname.lastname@example.org!
See you in the next post…