Anonymous support online located across Europe

The voice of Amanda Todd.

Sometimes, it feels like music is the only thing that understands us. The lyrics relate to us, understand how we feel. There is nothing that can compare to music, and we all have it with us, in some way.

Either by being a musician ourselves, or enjoying listening to it all the time. I can’t play an instrument properly to save my own life, but I do listen to music all the time. I can remember lyrics quickly, so I always have a song in my head, even at school,where I’m not allowed to listen to music.

We have songs for everything we feel. Hate, anger, sadness, pain, happiness and randomness, among others. I get asked so many times a day ‘Why do you listen to that hateful/sad/rubbish music?’

I don’t know why. I just do. Maybe because I have a lot of pent up anger, a lot of hate inside me and I’m very depressed sometimes. But I’m also in love, so those annoyingly soppy songs about love have a meaning too. No, I don’t like boy bands. I’m a rock music girl. And there are rock love songs. Sometimes, when I listen to them, I can’t help but think of him.

Of course, both him and myself have been hurt from loving each other, but we’re young. There are sad love songs that make me think of him too.

And then there’s the hateful songs. Those are the ones I sing, scream and mumble along with out of hate for my bullies. There’s the angry songs, that remind me of when I used to throw tantrums when I didn’t get what I wanted when I was younger, or my anger at society sometimes.

Yesterday was one of the days where I was listening to hateful and angry music all day.

Here’s why:

I’ve been planning to write a post about Amanda Todd. Everyone knows her. Some people hate her, some people feel the way she felt, and very few people are trying to help. No one helped her.

Amanda Todd was my brother’s age, a bit younger. She was beautiful and talented. There are videos on Youtube of her, that she made, to try and be heard. She also had videos in which she sang. Damn, that girl was talented. She was really, really talented. What she sang reflected what she felt. ‘Outside Lookin’ In’ was one of the songs she sang. That’s how she felt, she was an outcast, she was left alone.
If you’ve read Meiskie’s Story, you’ll know the mistakes I made. My mistakes were just as bad as her mistakes. I trusted someone, and he raped me in the one way that he could that wasn’t physical.

Amanda Todd trusted a guy when she was my age, and he blackmailed her with a photo from her boobs. A mistake she made, and she got hurt by it. Amanda Todd regretted the idea with every single milimeter of her being. Because of that stupid little mistake, everyone hated her. Beat her up, called her names. Go on Youtube and find her story that she told before she killed herself. She has way more details than I can give. I cried all through it, for her. The pain that poor girl felt when no one helped her. She was BEGGING for help, and no one could give it to her.

She tried bleach, she tried drugs, she tried alcohol, she tried cutting, but nothing killed her. What finally killed her was hanging herself. Amanda Todd was a girl with a thousand lives, and people took every last damn one off her. She failed she first 4 times she tried to kill herself, and don’t you think that showed that she secretly wanted to live? Somewhere inside her she still wanted to live. On the 5th attempt, she finally died. Because society took the last one of her lives. That girl, she was barely even a teenager, wanted to live. She wanted friends, she wanted acceptance. And that acceptance didn’t arrive until she died, and even then there are people saying she deserved to die. I’ve made the same mistakes, but no one says to me I should go and die! So why say it to her? No one helped her, and she lost the will to live.

She was, is, the strongest girl I’ve ever heard of. She survived the torture, she put up with it, and then she thought ‘Why stay a prisoner? Why put up with this torture?’ and she was strong enough to kill herself.

A dog that’s suffering and can’t be cured, you put down. You put it out of its misery, as much as it hurts you to do it. You do it out of love for the animal. Amanda Todd loved herself enough to put herself out of her own misery that would never end.

Haters can say what they want, they can do what they want, but Amanda Todd was stronger than they ever would be. She held up through all of it, while they took their sad lives, their weakness, out on her. They blamed her for something she didn’t do. And it was NONE of their business that her photo was on the internet. If they saw it, they should have just shrugged and continued with their miserable lives, not attack her for it.

She punished herself for her mistakes already, she didn’t need them doing it too. No one thought for one second that maybe she was already beating herself up for it. That guy that blackmailed her was a damn STALKER, some sick psycho who probably got off on her misery. He always appeared wherever she went. He followed her from one place to another.

Amanda was a scared, beautiful, strong girl who didn’t deserve what she got. People should have helped her, but she learnt the hard way that people are bitches, just like I did. Just like so many other people did.

Here is the link to her story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ej7afkypUsc

And here is the link to another story, of another strong girl who made it past all of the abuse: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uvFMGh4_Ag

Amanda and Kaelynn both lost so much because of society, for no utter reason. Both beautiful girls who both have a happy ending.

One was strong enough to kill herself, the other is strong enough to keep living with a smile on her face, tears in her eyes and memories in her head. Help people like these girls, stop people from dying. Amanda, Mónica, Kaelynn, myself, SoulSister, my mother, my aunt, Al, my ex, and so many others know what it feels like. We all want to stop it, so make sure to help people. Listen to them. And I know it’s hard to get in the middle of something like bullying, but once you’ve done it, you might have just saved a life. If you see someone bebeing bullied in some way, don’t think ‘I can’t help’. Think ‘Fuck society, fuck my reputation and fuck bullies.’ and help. So many teenage lives could be saved if one or two people in every school does that.
Kaelynn asked this “What are you waiting for?”. Now I’m asking. What are you waiting for? Society isn’t going to suddenly turn into rainbows, hearts and unicorns on its own, we all need to do our part of it… So let’s do it.

R.I.P Amanda Todd.
R.I.P Mónica Jaramillo.

Both these girls were our sisters for what happened to them. There are so many of us still alive, don’t let anyone make you want to die! Stand up for yourself, and, if you’ll get expelled from school for it, get expelled! We need to defend ourselves.

R.I.P The siblings who still have to have their story told on the blog.

You can contact us via e-mail and MSN:
ourvoiceproject@hotmail.com
We’re here to listen. So let us help you.

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